Christmas...... humbug :P

I don't feel anything, I know christmas is supposed to fill you with love for your fellow man but I got nothing. Ill give a homeless guy my pretzel and buy my big issue as I would any other time and Ill love my son just as much as I have all the days of his life, one day in December is no different to who I am and what I feel. Of course I'm looking forward to spoiling my son and seeing his face as he opens presents but it would be super if christmas could be done at that point, simply let him get on with enjoying his gifts. Uggh the thought of having to go over to my parents have 'pleasant' conversation without so much as a feel good festive film on the telly to distract me because father decided we don't watch telly that day... well we bloody used to *groan*
We will go through the motions of pulling crackers, telling the bad jokes and pretending to be impressed with the plastic crap that falls out of said crackers. Father will try and force feed us booze so his alcohol dependence isn't so blatantly obvious for once and appears more acceptable. I will say thank you for the chocolates and smellies I didn't want and grimace as my son is given rubbish presents that had no thought put into them and be glad I got him what I did, even though I think its never enough.
Don't get me wrong I'm not a scrooge I just can't see the point in stuffing myself stupid and guzzling gallons of wine so as I'm sick. I do though pretend I love it every year. My mum enjoys the day as of course does my son but man I'm soooo bored!!!
Mehh maybe I have just misplaced my christmas magic?? Ill check down the back of the sofa for it but have the feeling all I'm going to come up with is a bit of loose change.

Redbull, batteries and chocolate.

Oh golly what exactly are you supposed to do when you are uncontrollably horny but at the same time so tired you could sleep on a clothes line?.... Go to bed and have a wet dream? ah-ha the perfect answer!! :o) but I cant exactly do that, so instead I'm making do with redbull and chocolate.... sorted! if only for a little while :P
But a girl can not live by chocolate alone oh no!..... redbull helps ha!
Seriously though do I really need a man? hmmm yeah I recon I do, part time naturally as so not to annoy me lol I don't know how much toilet seat upmanship I could handle.... There are punchers on bikes to be fixed and et-hem 'jobs' to be done *foot shuffle- innocent look* honestly the amount of batteries Im getting through is a bit silly :P
So here are my options: find a man ooor get some rechargeable batteries..... some how I think the batteries would be less hassle ;)

Love sucks but sorta doesn't....

Oh good lord what did I almost do lol
When you feel a bit down your brain goes to mush and you start thinking that contacting your ex is such a good idea! Luckily I managed to refrain from doing so, I think I must be hormonal (being a woman I can say that, fellas arnt aloud for pain of their head being removed from their shoulders by the PMT monster :P)
I guess it's because the nights are drawing in, getting colder and I just want to curl up on the sofa with some strong arms round me, feeling the heat of a male body and have the occasional kiss. Not much to ask really is it.
It's a love/hate time of year, its a bit pants really. Christmas is coming up oh and new years.... can I be Sally and find myself my very own Harry?? Ill even fake a couple of orgasms in a diner if that would help my plight? Having someone fight their way across town just to be with me at midnight for one wonderful kiss really appeals somehow.. hmm well the offers there.....
Last night though I felt more like Brigit Jones in the scene where she is belting out 'All by myself' with every drop of heart breaking emotion (and rather allot of wine) she has into her hairbrush looking oh so ermm fab in her vest and knickers....... except I wasn't in my vest and knickers, didn't have a hairbrush, I wasn't singing nor was I the slightest bit drunk :P.
I don't have a Mr Darcy to pine over: the sort of fella who would put up with your odd relatives just to be with you, I have a 'Mr I couldn't possibly tell the truth until it is far too late for that to make any difference and it gets me dumped...' sort of fella. But hell I still like him, I was falling for him and I still could which is why contacting him wouldn't be a good idea, he could talk his way out of a snake pit with no ill effect but I'd somehow manage to get bitten.
He had a way with me like no one else ever has and telling him no again would be too hard. So there I was sat with the cursor above 'compose new message' thinking should I? really should I? but came to the conclusion that I shouldn't even type it without the intention of sending to work it out of my system, so I clicked off that looking for something else to occupy myself with and it was then that I hear Taylor Swift pipe up on the telly 'marry me Juliet you never have to be alone....' came her perfect tones. Ppphhhfffft now I feel down again and want a hug.... :P
Love sucks but at the same time sorta doesn't..... then again its valentines day soon after all this: ok maybe it just sucks. Ill get back to you.

Lumpy bits....

Ok we have all done it, stood naked in front of the mirror turning this way and that examining our lumpy bits. Oh no, I don't like that! we exclaim and thoughts drift momentarily to signing up for the gym in order to banish those imperfections but as the realization of all that work sinks in we then decide that magic knickers would be a much better idea and would involve allot less lunging.... or so you would think!
I didn't buy the traditional flesh coloured big knickers I thought I would get black control leggings, I needed some for a night out and so thought I might aswell kill two birds with one stone and have my underwear for outerwear, sorted. It seemed like a plan and a good plan....
Well! Getting them over my feet alone was a tight squeeze to begin with.... did I have fat ankles... kankles??? No couldn't be!! this isn't a good start. I'm sat on the end of my bed chewing my lip thinking that possibly I should have gotten a bigger size... but oh well too late now I shall persevere.... So I grab the fabric of one leg and with both hands heaveeeeee *phew* Iv dragged it up to my knee. And then repeating this maneuver on the other leg, think that at least in the gym I would have sexy men in tight shorts to oggle while I sweat... this simple tummy 'tuck in' is taking more effort than I anticipated. Right back to it. I take a breath and pull!!! I get them up as far as I can (which is nowhere as near to my crotch as they should be) then adopt a stance pretty much like a sumo wrestler (stand back people this is gonna get ridiculous...) then I lift and kick my leg out pulling at the stubborn garment once again as it resists my every attempt to get myself in *you will fit, you will fit or so help me!!* I grimace. Finally after much panting, huffing, puffing and a little swearing I'm in Huzzah!! I win :P
So now it is occurring to me that visiting the gym wouldn't be as much hassle as I thought when I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Everything is sufficiently smooshed and squeezed into place and well I look fantastic :) My butt cheeks are lifted and my thighs don't wobble as I walk, amazing :D Heaven knows though how I am ever going to get out of these.... better not drink anything and need the loo.... Primark has allot to answer for :P

Coffee and time travel.

Ah tiz tuesday and away to the city I went for coffee with my mate and shopping. The coffee today was amaretto rather than my usual mocha.... I'm not sure weather liked that or not but it started to taste rather nice by the time I got half way down the cup, much as a bad wine will taste nasty on the first couple of sips but once it permeates your system a little it's suddenly rather lovely.... odd that huh ;)
Anyway after that I went off to H&M looking for my intoxicating thigh high boots and well there was nothing of the like there! I was rather looking forward to battling with my monetary conscience as I tryd the boots on and oggled the handbags! Oh well I guess I will live to shop another day.
Oooh I finally met my mates crush! Once upon a time my friend would talk about him so much, giggling like a school girl every time she mentioned him, telling me all he had said even if that wasn't much... mind you when you like someone every tiny detail counts and needs to be savoured, the importance gets magnified. Honestly he was gorgeous! Dark hair, mischievous grin and a *I know something you don't know* twinkle in his eye. But I cant see how my friend would have the confidence to ask him out she would always daydream but never 'do'. When she was a touch drunk she did kiss him but never mentioned it again. I can understand being shy, I was years ago and still can be in certain situations to some extent but the girl seriously needs a Gok shock. What was she wearing today??? Brown, and not even a *this will go nicely with everything* kinda brown. It was very bad I have to wonder sometimes what is going through her mind because she sure as hell doesnt tell me. You cant hide in plain view, I never could much as I tryd to. But then that was through my teenage years, perfectly natural to feel out of place and awkward. I have attempted on many occasions to help her, no that's not what I mean: include her, but she doesnt want to know and rejects every attempt I make to spend time with her if it isnt 'safe' and on her terms :( its not as though I'm trying do drag her out bass jumping or plonk here in a room full of strangers and force here to talk to them. All I know is that if we were meeting now for the first time we probably wouldn't become friends, not because I don't like her she is a great person but simply because she is so blinkerd and set in her ways. If she could time travel back and live in the 1980's - early 1990's she happily would, her happy place. She drives me crazy but I love my friend xx!!

Thigh high boots!!

Have you ever been flicking through a magazine and just happend across the most perfect pair of boots? The kind that make you horny just thinking about wearing them? Not that I have a fetish but hey when it feels this good who am I to argue! I have to have them but oh they are so expencive *bites lip disapointedly* maybe just this once I could satisfy my desires..... heaven knows my sexual appitite goes by the by :P